Things Fall Apart – Part 1

I have held onto my last memory of her forever,
Hoping it held the clue that would bring us back together,
I now realise I could never feed her hunger;
But beneath her eyelids,
Were the rocks that I chose to die under.

I have a tendency towards co-dependency
So now we live our lives together through memory.
I often press rewind and take a glimpse through time,
I can smell her sweet skin, sublime,
As she enters the doorway to my mind,

My pulse starts to race, as I see the outline of her face,
All I needed was a peek at the image,
The rest I can retrace,
But when did sin distort this purity?
Lost in thoughts, the cost of insecurity.

This girl now  drinks to feel empty,
The voices in her head – unfriendly,
Holding me accountable for plenty;
Of the emotions that consumed her,
And turned us to enemies.

She sits, greeting the rain through tear stained eyes
Dilated pupils, burnt crystals,
Entreating her demise.

Bitter from the years, sweat and tears dripped,
Pen dipped in ink, in an attempt to exorcise some fears,
She wrote me, and told me of how her world had collapsed
Once intact, now no way to get her confidence back, scarred,
Mental state attracts dark, and tract marks are proof of her trapped heart.


My way home

Some thoughts trapped in moments,
I wonder if I had dropped to one knee instead;
Would I feel at peace with my emotions?
Or still wish my life would end?

I promised to love her forever,
Rightfully she claims I misled.
Convinced we would grow together,
The razor edge became a fork in the road instead.

First 3 years full of love, safe in the gift,
In time and space I melted, embraced by this bliss;
But even then I knew that something was missing,
Something about the way that we experienced love was different. 

When we talked about this, you promised to open up in time,
Patient to a fault, I stayed loyal by your side,
Nurture was part of our nature but information corroded,
When you told me that he forced you, I mentally exploded.

I pulled myself away, unsure how to act,
Finally came to understand why you could never love me back.
I took your hand and tried to pull you out of the abyss,
To free your mind, free your soul, but I was unable to do this.

So we stayed together in a hopeless place,
Holding onto hope that we could outrun our fate.
In this race, we have arrived at the line marked “finish”
In tears, holding each other close for one final minute.

This minute turned to hours, we grieved so deeply,
Free to love and trust again, perhaps now completely.